John Howard - Australian Prime Minister 

Cricket is a man's game

finest hourFriends

Cricket is something that no matter how much those politically correct individuals try, will never leave the domain of men.

We all need something. Us men have our sheds, and our cricket. Kiddies have their toys and bikes. And women have their gossip and shopping.

Let's not fool anyone here, women really love shopping, and kids really love bikes. And toys.

So it is with great joy that I announce the Australian Legend of the Millenium as being Ian Botham a great Australian who really loved his cricket, and knew where a sheilas place was. And it was not on the cricket ground.

I remember seeing Ian play for us against Derbyshire. What a sportsman he was. (the ladies loved him too, but a few of them didn't know it)

But look at these silly women. Pretending to be sportspeople. Sport is for blokes, not sheilas. Even heading off to their "cricket" tour they look like they have packed way too much.


women bahwomen bahh

Nasty news

these people are nasty news peoplebadbad

My favourite shoes

Oh boy I guess I should explain that I do have a few naughty habits.

My wife likes me to dress up as a clown and chase her around the Lodge.

These are gifts from my good friend Tony Blair, the Prime Minister of England. I like England, her Majesty lives there and I would do anything for her Majesty. Well, except wear the shoes. Well, ok, maybe I would do that. But I figure it is only right if Tony joined us ... multi-lateral arrangements. See Alexander Downer is not the only one who knows about those things.Tony shoesThe Tonies

We'll have our own Olympics

Yes, I am going to call an election right in the middle of the Olympics.

Because and election is a competition, and why should the Greeks have all the attention.

Racing Mark Latham is going to be fun. I was the winner of the All Sydney Egg and Spoon Private Schools competition in 1955. Actually we came seventh but we won on appeal.

Taught me a thing about winning. It's not how you play the game, it's how you play the rules.

Politics is not about being right, politics is about winning.

Anyway, you be sure to cheer me on. And if you don't ... I have some things up my sleeve. Ha Ha.


Latham is hungy

Really funny this picture.

This was when question time went a bit long in Canberra and we made Mark Latham wait for his dinner.

He gets real grumpy when he cannot eat. But the worst thing about this particular day was he knew Kim Beazley was out the back getting into the buffett.

Kim can eat a fair bit. Matter of fact when he goes to a restaurant, they don't give him a menu, they give him a quote. Ha, funny I am. Bit of a joke that.

Anyway, Peter Costello leant over to me and said we should adjourn so Mark could eat and I said yes.

Funny as hell. When we got there all that was left was salad. Mark hates salad. Look at his face. Kim was sitting in a pile of Asian spare ribs. Just the bones left. Mark loves his ribs. So does Kim.

so ssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddd

Hungry for powerHungry for power


This guy is the Ace of Spades.

Looks like a terrorist, even dresses like my mate Mick Keelty suspects a terrorist would look like.

If you see a man who looks like this, he is either a terrorist or you are looking at the back of the Ace of Spades from the Australian Kids Against Terrorism school packs.

TerroristAce of Spades

Dubya, the Man of Steel, and some Asian

President George W Bush who I affectionately call Dubya called me up one day and said there was this big do on in Malaysia.

Well I'm not much for foreign food but he did say we were going to go fancy dress and it sounded like a real hoot.

We sat back and giggled and laughed at the funny sounding names they all had and the noises they made trying to speak. Old George, he had me in tears. Every time one of them would get up to speak he would say: "huong chang ching boing chow ching huong bung bo chong chang chin." Just like that. Had me in tears I tell you.

Anyway, we got our photo taken with this little fella who made a lot of noise. George kept calling him MaHiter Mahiter. He said My sister were bad so Ma Hit Her. Gee we laughed.

Dubya and meDubya and me

[b]More terrorists[/b]

Well hang on to your hat kids because this one is a real baddie.

I reckon he looks just like those people selling kebabs down at Darlinghurst. If I was Mick I would be checking a few of their credentials. Crikey, this bloke looks bad. WOOOOOO, Did Uncle John scare you kids. Ha. This one is the 9 of hearts.


How to recognise a terrorist

My good mate Mick Keelty down at the Australian Federal Police decided to come around one night and we had a good old time playing backgammon and scrabble.

But I buggered him with my English skills. All those late afternoons after school on BP Pick A Box sure came in handy with scrabble.

Old Mick, well he had this big word R-E-L-A-T-I-V-T-Y.

Had me stumped for a while. But then, just like God was in the room I looked down and found my hyphen. Mick said he did not know scrabble came with hypens. Well, actually it was an E until the dog got it.

So I stuck PUBLIC on the front of his relativity and made it PUBLIC-RELATIVITY.

He reckoned it was not fair, but ownership is nine tenths of the law. I know that because I am a barrister.

So then we got a bit bored of me always winning, and he came up with this idea of playing cards with ideas on the back so kids can tell what a terrorist looks like. They're great, I am going to make all schools buy them for the kids. Here is the first one, which is also the 7 of spades.

They drown their kids

Here is part of the proof we tried to use to convince the ABC during the Tampa incident.

As you can see these dark children have been mercilessly flung into the water and left to drown.

My good friend and former Federal Defence Minister Peter Reith thought these pictures were too graphic back then.

Black people drown their kidsBlack people drown their kids

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